APW on money and weddings

From "What I Learned About Money While Planning My Wedding":
What I mean to say is this: when you do not have unlimited resources and you are planning a wedding, sometimes every moment feels like a painful negotiation. You can't afford the things that it seems like everyone else has, shopping for a wedding dress can feel like h*ll, and finding a venue can become you're worst nightmare. If you're at all like me, planning a wedding can feel like you are thinking about money all the time, and learning to hate it.
Once you make a financial decision that feels right to you - stick to your guns. Wedding planning can be a constant pattern of second guessing - "Well, so and so self-catered, maybe we should do that?" This. Will. Drive. You. Mad. If your choice was right for you, that's it. You're done, and you're fine.
Try not to become obsessed with your target budget. Pay what feels right to you, and what you feel like you can afford. If you end up a little under or a little over budget? Its fine. Because guess what? You don't have to report your budget to anyone. So be kind to yourself, and remember that you did your best.
Dan and I have had fair number of contentious discussions regarding the wedding budget. One of the things that makes it difficult for us is that he has his 'respect tradition/family' thing so that certain things must be adhered to (extended family must be invited, there must be sufficient food) but he doesn't care about aesthetics at all and he very much cares about building up savings as much as possible.

Whereas for me, I thought I'd be ok with just eloping or a City Hall wedding + restaurant meal initially, but once it had to be in the format of a large party (though 100 is evidently on the smaller side for weddings, the single biggest event I've ever coordinated was for maybe 50 people? and that was a potluck Thanksgiving dinner at that), I have a certain minimal style and general 'nice-ness' requirements that have to be met. And now I'm looking forward to the fun of the projects and pretty, too.

The conflict makes me upset because we run into it fairly often on any sort of joint ventures. Dan's frugalness has the by-product of making me feel guilty for making him go along with what I want, which I then resent because I don't think my minimum requirements are outrageous by any means. And he just doesn't care about the things that I care about. I do have expensive taste sometimes but I don't always indulge in it entirely, and I'm willing to do some hunting if needed.

We just signed the lease on a new apartment, actually, as our sublet is up soon and I just don't love it where we're currently living. The new place was renovated just a year ago and has gorgeous flooring, kitchen, and windows that face south for the most part, with additional windows in the bedroom that face east and a window in the living room that faces west (the best layout for Northern Hemisphere homes, in my opinion).

The main big drawback of the unit is the lack of storage space, and already we've started arguing a bit over how to deal with the issue. Sigh. So it goes, though.

I leave you with this wreath made from book pages. As a total book nerd it does make me cringe a bit to think about tearing out the pages, but, the texture!


Mrs T said...

Budgets are never fun! Hope you guys work it out.

I am exactly the same about that wreath - really don't know if I could rip up a book!

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