Questionable "traditions"

From Meghan, the ladies of Slate's DoubleX debate the question, "Which wedding tradition do you wish were abolished?"
Hanna Rosin: I would definitely say the throwing of the bouquet. In the last few weddings I've been to—even the ones for more conservative friends—there is a strong ambivalence hanging over this moment. The ladies gather shame-faced in the corner and the bride gives a limp, embarrassed toss. In each case the flowers landed on the floor, as the women were too embarrassed to catch them. The age when women want to get married is not over. But the age when women proudly display a grasping eagerness to do so is long past.
I've previously posted how I love Saipua's flower arrangements, as well as the idea of button or felt flower bouquets, so I suppose whether I do a bouquet toss (assuming I do get a bouquet) will be dependent on how invested I feel in the bouquet itself (and therefore don't want it to get damaged) and whether more than three (enough to make a small crowd) of my girl friends feel really strongly about it.

It does seem to be a "tradition" that has a slightly unsavory tinge to it but if I don't care about preserving the bouquet too much and there are guests who really want to partake, including guys, then at this point I don't feel particularly strongly about it.

Other items of interest:
  • "No one needs a little box of chocolates with the couple's name on it." - Ha! In one random wedding magazine I picked, the bride was a watch designer so they gave all the guests a custom watch design with the name of the couple and the date of the wedding on the back. ?!??????
  • "Extensive hors d'oeuvre spreads followed by massive, plated meals. Your guests just feel guilty about the wasted food, and then they're too bloated to dance." - undesireable and unaffordable
  • "The one I hate most is a relatively new invention: the unity candle. It's meant to symbolize the joining of two families, but isn't that what the wedding itself is? Really, these elaborate, pricey candles just add to the cost of the event and make the ceremony longer." - Ha, I can just imagine now Dan's speechlessness if I were to suggest a New Age-y thing like a unity candle that also costs way more than its worth
  • "And instead of having my father "give me away," I had both my parents walk down the aisle with me. It wasn't a "passing off," but symbolized, at least to us, the journey they had guided me on from my birth up to that point, and how they were there for me at the biggest moment of my life and always would be." - Yes. Also Martha said this is a Jewish tradition, props to them for that.
  • "But I will say that I enjoy a lot of the pageantry at other people's weddings and seeing how their personal style gets expressed (or, more often, crushed beneath conformity and family pressure)." - We are not pageantry kind of people, pretty far from it, actually (see A Practical Wedding's wise words on 'Your wedding is not a show' and 'Your wedding is not an imposition').
Pretty much all the effort that I'm putting in is precisely to avoid the being crushed by conformity and family pressure. I would love to have a totally equal sharing of the planning with Dan, but the issue is that he doesn't really have a problem with conforming to family pressure except if it's going to be a lot more expensive to do so. So I'm a bit of a fish swimming against the current here, but I am supported by all the modern, independent female friends instead. Thank you.


Mrs T said...

Hi, thanks for stopping by my blog and for your comment!

I'd be more than happy to help you with any questions you have about dessert receptions. I've actually planned a whole post with lots of details in it - but if you need it pronto I can email you. I can't get your contact bit to work, so leave your email in my comments and I'll shoot you one over.

Best of luck with the planning!

Mrs T said...

Oh, and I was totally against the bouquet toss. But my little sis was OBSESSED with it. So I did it to keep her happy. Bought a $5 cheap bouquet of fake flowers for it, tossed it to about 15 ladies and my sister caught it. Everyone thought it was a set up! It was one of the highlights of the day.

Mrs T said...

Just saw your reply on my blog! I'll wait then, but if you have any other questions after my post then feel free to let me know. I'd be happy to help.

Liz said...

hey, lady. i'm answering your question in pieces on my blog- feel free to email if you have more specific questions!

Angie said...

It took some time to get Josh on the wedding planning wagon with me. I was definitely puttering along, crying, whining and stressing out alone for quite some time. Around Christmas, as we were headed to a mom's house, we got into a tiff in the car. Long story short, we were going through a lot of transition and I confessed that I wasn't going to do it alone anymore. Since then things have changed. I delegated responsibilities and things came into play. But by the time you wrote this post, the plans we had made had to be canceled. That was not fun at all! So... we jumped back onto the wagon together about a month ago and we're finally planning something together. There are still challenges, but we keep trying our best.

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