We booked a photographer!

Awhile back, I decided that I wanted to work with a photographer who sponsored A Practical Wedding. A lot of people advised me to consider reducing the budget for a photographer and look around for a student to do the job, but I wasn't confident in my ability to find someone who would be experienced and reliable enough for big events like weddings. It's doable, I'm sure, but I figured it would take a lot of effort (since no one popped out from our small network of friends and family to volunteer, basically) and even then I knew I would still worry about it. I decided photography is a high priority because it's the only tangible thing we'll have after all the work going into throwing the one-day event (I don't count the marriage itself as tangible :)).

A sponsor of A Practical Wedding would definitely be a pro and also pretty much pre-screened not to be a WIC-style pressure giver. And, I sort of just wanted to give back a bit to a resource that I've gotten so much from. The minimum requirements were a decent number of hours of coverage and getting the negatives, with the option to order prints and other extra down the line. An engagement session and the rest would be a plus but not absolutely necessary.

We met with Keira Lemonis first, way back in February, but for whatever reason I didn't really feel like we clicked and that there was something else I was looking for that didn't align with her style. She checked in the other day because another couple contacted her about one of the potential dates we'd given to her and was actually nice enough to respond with a thanks after I told her we'd decided to book someone else (I hate this part of researching different vendors, I feel like somehow I can't get out of disappointing some of the really nice and supportive people I've talked to because we can only hire one in that category). +1 for classiness.

Then, we got a quote from LeahAndMark.com from the amazing, amazing special they're running (until the end of April!) for APW readers: 20% off all packages and no travel fee for weddings east of the Mississippi. Based on my email correspondence with Mark, his Twitter feed, and the new email newsletter of photography tips they recently started, he seems really awesome and just like my kind of person (chill and funny-geeky, more or less). I love, love their photos:

They really love photography, they are Photographers and have an eye for lighting and composition that speaks to me. I'm also a total sucker for that vintage-y style of image color processing.

Then, a couple weeks ago (the day before Easter, actually), Dan and I drove to CT to meet with Kelly Prizel, who had Amy's highest stamp of approval of the list of potential photographers I'd emailed her. Of course, I Twitter/Facebook/blog-stalked her beforehand. Some of my favorite tweets:

I will not eat all the cheese at this client meeting. I will not eat all the cheese.

You know what makes clients happy? Bunnies. Yup, they love meeting and petting my rabbits after discussing wedding packages.

She did not, in fact, eat all the cheese at our meeting, I helped quite a bit on that front. And her bunnies are indeed adorable, though the massive fur they were shedding when I petted them at the end of our meeting made Dan really wary.

In person, Kelly is really sweet and energetic and I believe her when she says that she just loves weddings and feeds off the energy of the day--I suspect some photographers who aren't truly into it saying these sorts of lines just to get the business, and should it really matter to me whether the photographer is just doing this to pay the bills or loves it for its own sake too? Probably not, but I don't mind letting it factor into my decisions anyway.

Her wife Natalie was also at the meeting and if we didn't already have Mama G as our Captain of the Day (official title TBD), I would seriously consider hiring her as our day-of coordinator because she's totally on top of all the details.

The thing that really swayed it in the end was the engagement session that's included in Kelly's Package I and that she's local. While LeahAndMark.com were my personal leading choice based on style of photography, I think the fact that both Dan and I are introverts and have never been particularly comfortable in front of a camera means that we do need someone we can have the opportunity to get to know more before the high stress of the day.

So, hooray, we have a photographer! We signed the contract a few days after meeting Kelly and Natalie and sent over the deposit last week (biggest wedding check thus far) and I am excited about it, but I do occasionally get slight tinges of anxiety over not hiring LeahAndMark.com, especially as I see their rates go up. I think they particularly excel at family and children portraits, though, so maybe one day :) It's something that I should just move on from because it's not a good use of energy, so I'm working on that. Looking at Kelly's portfolio all over again helps, for sure:

(Meridian Hill Park engagement session)

(Georgetown engagement session w/ Vespa)

(Ying and Pat at Montpelier Mansion)
(love this wedding)

(Howard and Jessica at Howard County Conservatory)

I think it's a really good sign that when I went to look for my favorite examples of Kelly's work, I could picture the photos in my mind. I'll get over the faint self-doubt about whether we made the right decision soon, I always have that, but hey! Ticking down "the big three": venue, check, photographer, check, caterer, almost check (we've decided but haven't officially signed a contract yet). We're planning on doing the engagement session in the afternoon on 9/11 this year, because it's the one weekend in September that Kelly's not booked, it should still be warm enough for me to wear a dress, and there will still be green things alive in the park in Hoboken along the Hudson.

Next up should probably be figuring out who will marry us, since a Catholic priest is basically out of the question (won't do it outside of a church, I think I'd be uncomfortable with people possibly thinking I'm posing/being disrespectful), and then settling down to the overall vision of the visual aesthetic to pull it together and deciding on which projects I actually want to do. Oh, and sketching out a bit more whether we want other things around the wedding weekend, like a welcome picnic or a Sunday brunch or the Chinese family dinner post-reception, etc. I think at that point I should print out Meg's words and paste it somewhere really visible:

From here on out, I will not worry about things unless they are meaningful, fun, or really useful.

Circle of love

I quite like this circular setup of chairs for the ceremony:

(Dave Robbins Photography, via SMP)

I think it would help decrease the 'this is a show for your teary entertainment' feeling and ramp up the sense of 'we want to be surrounded and supported by our loved ones' instead. I've written previously about my hesitation for the whole big reveal and walking down an aisle thing, but it's a little hard to picture the logistics of ending up at the center without an aisle. I can't quite tell how they did it here--did they have to walk all the way around in a spiral? That would go in the parade territory that we want to be avoiding here.

Ooo, maybe two semi-circles of chairs with an aisle going through the entire thing, and each of us walking towards the center and meeting in the middle?

Some recommended reading

[edited to clarify] Links from my friend Amy.

Holly of Nothing but Bonfires on 'Things I Remember About My Wedding':

The number one thing I heard in the weeks leading up to my wedding was how fast the day would fly by. Because I like to be prepared and know what I'm getting into, I made a mental note of this. The day will fly by, I told myself. And then I thought: but wait, how can I stop it from flying by? Which leads me to the number two thing I heard in the weeks leading up to my wedding, which was that I should try---should really, really try---to be present in the moment. Okay, I thought, got it. The day will fly by, but I should try to be present in the moment. I am prepared. I have done my homework. As god is my witness, I will stop this day from flying by!

Internet, you cannot stop your wedding day from flying by. You cannot even really be present in the moment, actually, because the moment just goes too damn fast. Honestly, it's like someone just presses fast forward on the day: the first half goes at a normal pace and then all of a sudden, it's one o'clock, and you're getting your hair done, and people are milling around you getting excited and then BOOM!, it's like someone slipped you a roofie and you wake up ten hours later and the wedding's over and you can hardly remember a thing.

On how it feels different after being married:

Before the wedding, I wondered if I would feel different after the wedding. I couldn't imagine feeling different. I mean, I could imagine feeling the SWEET SWEET RELIEF of not having a to-do list a mile long, don't get me wrong, but I couldn't imagine feeling.....well, married. How would that feel? Would it be weird? Would anything change?

I asked and you answered. I read through those answers the way you might read through an account of walking on the moon: fascinated but incapable of fully comprehending. The consensus was this: it just feels different. But different how, I wanted to know. Can't put my finger on it, you said. Cemented. Content. Calm. Permanent. Partnered.

Six months in, I want to tell you that it is different. How? Can't put my finger on it. I introduce Sean to someone as "my husband" and I think holy crap, I have a husband. It was a smooth transition---no new home, no new name, thirteen years of knowing each other behind us already---and yet somehow everything changed. Only in the faintest, most imperceptible way, though, like one of those tiny earthquakes that nobody ever feels, the ones that shift the landmass just everso slightly. On the surface everything looks the same. But somewhere, under layers and layers and layers of earth, the world has been altered.

And some more ceremony scripts to peruse, from 2000 Dollar Budget Wedding.

Tablecloths

(lace-edged handkerchief underneath flowers, Style Me Pretty)

 (Ikea dishtowels stitched together, design*sponge)

(I'm letting this image be XL because I love its cheery colors so! retro-y floral tableclothes from Tabletop Couture)
(from SMP)

I actually quite like the rest of the images from this wedding too, vintage/fun/unfussy:

Unpretentious flower arrangements

A break from the paper goods!

(Eat Drink Chic's trial run for her engagement party, can't wait to see the final product)

(teapot flower arrangement how-to from design*sponge)

The next two are also from design*sponge:

(coffee canister with lily grass loop)

(cocktail shaker with craspedia)

(how clever, right? I always get frustrated with getting the stems to stay where I want them to already)

Sarah of Blossom and Branch's basic principles for flowers:

• Clean all leaves, stems or thorns that will sit below the water-line in whatever container you use.
• Use sharp tools and clean, cool water.
• Give flowers a fresh, angled cut and change the water every other day.
• Try adding a dash of lemon-lime soda (like 7up or Sprite) to the water – the sugar perks up the blooms!
• Try adding a few (just a few) drops of bleach to the water – it will keep the stem-rotting bacteria at bay.
• For tough or woody stems, use warm water and try snapping the stem with your hands instead of cutting. The splintered stems increase surface area for the water to travel up to the bloom.
• When in doubt, cut the stems short, so that the heads of the flower rise just above the neck of the vase. This pavé style is very European and chic.

Latest batch of invite ideas

Sewn photo overlay and the power of a custom stamp and different color stamp pads:

IS•LY for her cousin

From Oh So Beautiful Paper, invites with rounded corners, typewritten text, and kraft paper:

(I really like the manila tag RSVP cards too but I want online RSVPs)

 (LOVE THIS, it's a ceremony program)

Advice for introverted planners

Who has a hard time deciding whether she's a stronger introvert or Type A? ME.

$2000 Budget Wedding on focusing only on things you can actually control (good life advice for me, really):

I think one of the keys to making it through the tumult of wedding planning (and life, for that matter) is to draw a big, fat line between the things you can control and the things you can't. Once the line is drawn, you should focus only on the things that are on the Can-Control side of the line.

You can't control the relationship between your dad and your father-in-law. You can't control the type of person your mother is. You ultimately can't control whether people have fun at your wedding (you can do everything within your power to set up a fun environment, but you can't actually make them have fun).

It's very liberating to free yourself from being responsible for the things that are beyond your control. It also frees up a whole lot of energy to start thinking about the things you can control.

...

[paraphrased advice on trying to prevent family drama]
1. Figure out which members may be worth trying to talk to before the wedding to express the importance of not letting a situation devolve into yelling or anger.
2. Minimize interactions with inflammatory individuals and resolve to let remarks that do come through to roll off your back.

$2000 Budget Wedding on " What to Do When You Don't Want to Be the Center of Attention at Your Own Wedding"

We didn't walk down the aisle: ...I realized, "Wait a second. I don't actually want to walk down an aisle. I'll already be nervous about speaking in front of everybody; I would rather forgo the expected aisle altogether." We simply pulled up in our car, got out, and started mingling with our guests. I was nervous for about two seconds. Then I saw my good friend, Luis, and got overwhelmed with love and affection for him. I pretty much stopped being nervous. People were definitely staring at me and checking out my dress, but I was too busy talking with people to notice too much.

We incorporated toasts into our ceremony instead of doing them during the reception: We love the sentiments of toasts, but we didn't want to stop our reception in the middle of the party and focus attention back on us. Therefore, we incorporated "toasts" into our ceremony. We asked five of our friends and family members to speak during the ceremony. People did the same thing they do during toasts: Tell funny stories, recite poems, read quotes, make wishes, etc.

We used the "cake cutting" as an opportunity to thank our friends and family for helping out with the wedding, rather than drawing more attention to ourselves.

We set up a reception with multiple activities going on simultaneously, so people could do their own thing instead of wait to see what we were doing. We had dancing on the patio, board games in the living room, hot-tub soaking, and roasting marshmallows around a campfire. We posted a sign with all the activities listed, so people had a sense of what options were available to them.

We encouraged our guests to get to know each other by having quirky name tags at the Welcome Picnic and an online guest book for them to upload their photos and a brief bio of themselves prior to the wedding. [it occurs to me that it would be easier and more scalable to tell people just to stalk each other on Facebook]

Don't use a microphone during your ceremony. (As a guest, I get frustrated when I can't hear what the couple is saying, but it's your wedding and you should do what you want to do!)

Skip things like the first dance, a bouquet toss, the garter thing--treat your wedding more like a regular party.

Generally I'm not a fan of being the center of attention because my mindset is always on the side of 'well, that means more witnesses for when I screw up.' I also have a pretty strong voice in my head that says 'Who do you think you are?!' which I'm working on pushing aside for career development purposes, but for personal life is probably a good thing to hang onto. The world would be an easier place if more people had more self-awareness.

I'm uncomfortable of the idea of the 'big reveal' of the bride not just for those reasons, though. It seems like that 'tradition' plays to the culture of focusing on just one person in the partnership, and just physical appearance at that. Being out and about setting up the last few details and being there to welcome guests as they arrive appeals to me much more in my head, since it's more 'we are hosting a gathering' as opposed to 'we are putting on a show.' The picture in my head also has me more relaxed and useful while doing stuff, instead of twisting my hands nervously while secluded in the bridal suite and peeking out the window at people.

But, I could very well end up wanting that separation to store up energy to deal with having so many people at once. Even people that I love dearly are exhausting when in large quantities. That's being an introvert.