Some recommended reading

[edited to clarify] Links from my friend Amy.

Holly of Nothing but Bonfires on 'Things I Remember About My Wedding':

The number one thing I heard in the weeks leading up to my wedding was how fast the day would fly by. Because I like to be prepared and know what I'm getting into, I made a mental note of this. The day will fly by, I told myself. And then I thought: but wait, how can I stop it from flying by? Which leads me to the number two thing I heard in the weeks leading up to my wedding, which was that I should try---should really, really try---to be present in the moment. Okay, I thought, got it. The day will fly by, but I should try to be present in the moment. I am prepared. I have done my homework. As god is my witness, I will stop this day from flying by!

Internet, you cannot stop your wedding day from flying by. You cannot even really be present in the moment, actually, because the moment just goes too damn fast. Honestly, it's like someone just presses fast forward on the day: the first half goes at a normal pace and then all of a sudden, it's one o'clock, and you're getting your hair done, and people are milling around you getting excited and then BOOM!, it's like someone slipped you a roofie and you wake up ten hours later and the wedding's over and you can hardly remember a thing.

On how it feels different after being married:

Before the wedding, I wondered if I would feel different after the wedding. I couldn't imagine feeling different. I mean, I could imagine feeling the SWEET SWEET RELIEF of not having a to-do list a mile long, don't get me wrong, but I couldn't imagine feeling.....well, married. How would that feel? Would it be weird? Would anything change?

I asked and you answered. I read through those answers the way you might read through an account of walking on the moon: fascinated but incapable of fully comprehending. The consensus was this: it just feels different. But different how, I wanted to know. Can't put my finger on it, you said. Cemented. Content. Calm. Permanent. Partnered.

Six months in, I want to tell you that it is different. How? Can't put my finger on it. I introduce Sean to someone as "my husband" and I think holy crap, I have a husband. It was a smooth transition---no new home, no new name, thirteen years of knowing each other behind us already---and yet somehow everything changed. Only in the faintest, most imperceptible way, though, like one of those tiny earthquakes that nobody ever feels, the ones that shift the landmass just everso slightly. On the surface everything looks the same. But somewhere, under layers and layers and layers of earth, the world has been altered.

And some more ceremony scripts to peruse, from 2000 Dollar Budget Wedding.

Tablecloths

(lace-edged handkerchief underneath flowers, Style Me Pretty)

 (Ikea dishtowels stitched together, design*sponge)

(I'm letting this image be XL because I love its cheery colors so! retro-y floral tableclothes from Tabletop Couture)
(from SMP)

I actually quite like the rest of the images from this wedding too, vintage/fun/unfussy:

Unpretentious flower arrangements

A break from the paper goods!

(Eat Drink Chic's trial run for her engagement party, can't wait to see the final product)

(teapot flower arrangement how-to from design*sponge)

The next two are also from design*sponge:

(coffee canister with lily grass loop)

(cocktail shaker with craspedia)

(how clever, right? I always get frustrated with getting the stems to stay where I want them to already)

Sarah of Blossom and Branch's basic principles for flowers:

• Clean all leaves, stems or thorns that will sit below the water-line in whatever container you use.
• Use sharp tools and clean, cool water.
• Give flowers a fresh, angled cut and change the water every other day.
• Try adding a dash of lemon-lime soda (like 7up or Sprite) to the water – the sugar perks up the blooms!
• Try adding a few (just a few) drops of bleach to the water – it will keep the stem-rotting bacteria at bay.
• For tough or woody stems, use warm water and try snapping the stem with your hands instead of cutting. The splintered stems increase surface area for the water to travel up to the bloom.
• When in doubt, cut the stems short, so that the heads of the flower rise just above the neck of the vase. This pavé style is very European and chic.

Latest batch of invite ideas

Sewn photo overlay and the power of a custom stamp and different color stamp pads:

IS•LY for her cousin

From Oh So Beautiful Paper, invites with rounded corners, typewritten text, and kraft paper:

(I really like the manila tag RSVP cards too but I want online RSVPs)

 (LOVE THIS, it's a ceremony program)

Advice for introverted planners

Who has a hard time deciding whether she's a stronger introvert or Type A? ME.

$2000 Budget Wedding on focusing only on things you can actually control (good life advice for me, really):

I think one of the keys to making it through the tumult of wedding planning (and life, for that matter) is to draw a big, fat line between the things you can control and the things you can't. Once the line is drawn, you should focus only on the things that are on the Can-Control side of the line.

You can't control the relationship between your dad and your father-in-law. You can't control the type of person your mother is. You ultimately can't control whether people have fun at your wedding (you can do everything within your power to set up a fun environment, but you can't actually make them have fun).

It's very liberating to free yourself from being responsible for the things that are beyond your control. It also frees up a whole lot of energy to start thinking about the things you can control.

...

[paraphrased advice on trying to prevent family drama]
1. Figure out which members may be worth trying to talk to before the wedding to express the importance of not letting a situation devolve into yelling or anger.
2. Minimize interactions with inflammatory individuals and resolve to let remarks that do come through to roll off your back.

$2000 Budget Wedding on " What to Do When You Don't Want to Be the Center of Attention at Your Own Wedding"

We didn't walk down the aisle: ...I realized, "Wait a second. I don't actually want to walk down an aisle. I'll already be nervous about speaking in front of everybody; I would rather forgo the expected aisle altogether." We simply pulled up in our car, got out, and started mingling with our guests. I was nervous for about two seconds. Then I saw my good friend, Luis, and got overwhelmed with love and affection for him. I pretty much stopped being nervous. People were definitely staring at me and checking out my dress, but I was too busy talking with people to notice too much.

We incorporated toasts into our ceremony instead of doing them during the reception: We love the sentiments of toasts, but we didn't want to stop our reception in the middle of the party and focus attention back on us. Therefore, we incorporated "toasts" into our ceremony. We asked five of our friends and family members to speak during the ceremony. People did the same thing they do during toasts: Tell funny stories, recite poems, read quotes, make wishes, etc.

We used the "cake cutting" as an opportunity to thank our friends and family for helping out with the wedding, rather than drawing more attention to ourselves.

We set up a reception with multiple activities going on simultaneously, so people could do their own thing instead of wait to see what we were doing. We had dancing on the patio, board games in the living room, hot-tub soaking, and roasting marshmallows around a campfire. We posted a sign with all the activities listed, so people had a sense of what options were available to them.

We encouraged our guests to get to know each other by having quirky name tags at the Welcome Picnic and an online guest book for them to upload their photos and a brief bio of themselves prior to the wedding. [it occurs to me that it would be easier and more scalable to tell people just to stalk each other on Facebook]

Don't use a microphone during your ceremony. (As a guest, I get frustrated when I can't hear what the couple is saying, but it's your wedding and you should do what you want to do!)

Skip things like the first dance, a bouquet toss, the garter thing--treat your wedding more like a regular party.

Generally I'm not a fan of being the center of attention because my mindset is always on the side of 'well, that means more witnesses for when I screw up.' I also have a pretty strong voice in my head that says 'Who do you think you are?!' which I'm working on pushing aside for career development purposes, but for personal life is probably a good thing to hang onto. The world would be an easier place if more people had more self-awareness.

I'm uncomfortable of the idea of the 'big reveal' of the bride not just for those reasons, though. It seems like that 'tradition' plays to the culture of focusing on just one person in the partnership, and just physical appearance at that. Being out and about setting up the last few details and being there to welcome guests as they arrive appeals to me much more in my head, since it's more 'we are hosting a gathering' as opposed to 'we are putting on a show.' The picture in my head also has me more relaxed and useful while doing stuff, instead of twisting my hands nervously while secluded in the bridal suite and peeking out the window at people.

But, I could very well end up wanting that separation to store up energy to deal with having so many people at once. Even people that I love dearly are exhausting when in large quantities. That's being an introvert.

Non-glue tiered cake/cupcake stand

I like this construction method (drill hole in plate and use allthreads, drawer pull, and hollow candlestick) better than the usual 'glue thrifted plate to vase to plate' method because this would be easier to store, since it comes apart. Then the decorating team can mix and match on the day of to their hearts' desire.

(tutorial at Giver's Log, via not martha)

APW on money and weddings

From "What I Learned About Money While Planning My Wedding":

What I mean to say is this: when you do not have unlimited resources and you are planning a wedding, sometimes every moment feels like a painful negotiation. You can't afford the things that it seems like everyone else has, shopping for a wedding dress can feel like h*ll, and finding a venue can become you're worst nightmare. If you're at all like me, planning a wedding can feel like you are thinking about money all the time, and learning to hate it.
...
Once you make a financial decision that feels right to you - stick to your guns. Wedding planning can be a constant pattern of second guessing - "Well, so and so self-catered, maybe we should do that?" This. Will. Drive. You. Mad. If your choice was right for you, that's it. You're done, and you're fine.
...
Try not to become obsessed with your target budget. Pay what feels right to you, and what you feel like you can afford. If you end up a little under or a little over budget? Its fine. Because guess what? You don't have to report your budget to anyone. So be kind to yourself, and remember that you did your best.

Dan and I have had fair number of contentious discussions regarding the wedding budget. One of the things that makes it difficult for us is that he has his 'respect tradition/family' thing so that certain things must be adhered to (extended family must be invited, there must be sufficient food) but he doesn't care about aesthetics at all and he very much cares about building up savings as much as possible.

Whereas for me, I thought I'd be ok with just eloping or a City Hall wedding + restaurant meal initially, but once it had to be in the format of a large party (though 100 is evidently on the smaller side for weddings, the single biggest event I've ever coordinated was for maybe 50 people? and that was a potluck Thanksgiving dinner at that), I have a certain minimal style and general 'nice-ness' requirements that have to be met. And now I'm looking forward to the fun of the projects and pretty, too.

The conflict makes me upset because we run into it fairly often on any sort of joint ventures. Dan's frugalness has the by-product of making me feel guilty for making him go along with what I want, which I then resent because I don't think my minimum requirements are outrageous by any means. And he just doesn't care about the things that I care about. I do have expensive taste sometimes but I don't always indulge in it entirely, and I'm willing to do some hunting if needed.

We just signed the lease on a new apartment, actually, as our sublet is up soon and I just don't love it where we're currently living. The new place was renovated just a year ago and has gorgeous flooring, kitchen, and windows that face south for the most part, with additional windows in the bedroom that face east and a window in the living room that faces west (the best layout for Northern Hemisphere homes, in my opinion).

The main big drawback of the unit is the lack of storage space, and already we've started arguing a bit over how to deal with the issue. Sigh. So it goes, though.

I leave you with this wreath made from book pages. As a total book nerd it does make me cringe a bit to think about tearing out the pages, but, the texture!

(repurposed book page wreath, via Creature Comforts)